I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
