I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
