Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
