Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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