sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Sober January is a disaster.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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