Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
