I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
