shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize