Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
