I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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