Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
