Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
