you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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