just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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