There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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