R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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