xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
