just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
