I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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