My cat gives me a boner
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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