ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
