don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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