Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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