last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So many bounce houses so little time
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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