It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
