Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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