I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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