Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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