She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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