she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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