these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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