Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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