just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
