he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
