dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
