Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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