I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
