Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
