Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
