With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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