Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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