..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
