so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
