Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You need Xanax blowdarts
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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