At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
