cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
