i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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