she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Two words: blizzard sex
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
