Pants 0. Shit 1.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
