How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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