They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
