So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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