you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
