speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
