i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
