This house was built for laser tag.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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