Sry I called you an 8
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
