My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
