dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
