His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
