Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
