HIV tests are more positive than that guy
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
