i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
