allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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