I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
