how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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